How To Deal With Internet Trolls, Unsupportive Family Members, and Slacker Friends
Haters are everywhere.
No matter what you do there will be vampires in one form or another trying to suck the life and passion out of you. They might be the passive aggressive friend who sarcastically talks about your “unrealistic” dreams or they could be the cowards who hide behind a computer screen to spew hate in your direction. Regardless of their angle of attack, their words of hate linger in your mind and affect the way you go about your everyday life.
Why can’t they just fuck off?
It’s quite simple really. They are either super unhappy with the direction of their lives or they are projecting their insecurities on you to release some of their anger, stress, and misery…. or a combination of both. Either way, misery loves company and they need to bring you down in order to lift themselves up.
It’s sad really. I actually almost of feel bad for haters…. almost.
Fortunately, there are ways to shift your mindset so you can handle these miserable people with ease. Regardless if they are family members, friends, or just the random internet troll, there is no need to let these people bring you down and scare you off from pursuing your dreams.
Although there is a difference between dealing with a family member and dealing with an internet troll, you should start by…
Accepting The Haters
No matter what you do, there will always be haters. There will always be people in your life trying to drag you down. As you become more and more successful, there will be even more haters coming at you from all different angles. The first step to getting over these negative influences is understanding that they will be there no matter what.
Every successful fighter, politician, celebrity, and entrepreneur… and basically anyone else with some type of success, has had (and probably still has) their fair share of haters. Having haters is a part of success whether you like it or not and learning how to accept them as a part of your journey is essential to overcoming their harsh critiques.
Not everyone will think the same way you do or have the same opinions on the world as you do. And even if they do think along the same lines as you do, some people will just hate on you for no reason at all. They think you’re arrogant, cocky, or fake (or just too damn sexy to handle). Meanwhile they have no evidence to support their theories, it’s just “because” they think that way and don’t like you for whatever reason.
Use The Haters
Instead of taking what the haters say to heart, try to use their hostility to your advantage.
Take a step back and really think about what they are hating on. Is it a legitimate claim or is it just a bias opinion? Can you actually improve in that area or do you feel like you’re already doing the best you can? Look at their judgements in an objective lens so you can actually use it to improve yourself. If you feel like some of their statement is partially true, use it as a way to improve in that specific area. If you feel like they are talking bull shit just for the sake of it, then just let them hate!
Love The Haters
Believe it or not, having haters is a good thing. I know it may not seem that way at first, but like I mentioned before, all successful people will be critiqued and judged by people who are unhappy about themselves or their path in life. Most of the time the people who do the judging have no basis to their judgements, so why let that eat at you?
Instead of hating the haters, learn to love them! Keep in mind that if you have haters, you are doing something right. You are making something of yourself and people are actually taking the time out of their day-to-day life to try to bring you down. But rather than allowing their harsh words impede your path to your dreams, use their negativity as fuel and motivation to prove these mother fuckers wrong!
When someone thinks you can’t do something, whether it be winning a fight or losing weight, prove those haters wrong!
When someone laughs in your face about your dreams and aspirations, just think about how great it’s going to feel when you reach your goals and are able to just smile right back at them 🙂
When someone talks nonsense, calls you names, or thinks you’re a fake, just remember that chances are that is how they actually feel about themselves and they are just projecting their insecurities on you… you gotta just feel bad for those fools!
Dealing With Unsupportive Family Members
One of the most difficult obstacles to overcome is when the people closest to you think that you are crazy or immature for pursuing your passion. It can be really demoralizing when you have your parents doubt everything you do. It can be just as upsetting when a brother, sister, uncle, aunt, cousin or grandparent think that you are stupid and naive for following your heart.
At times it may seem like they are right and other times you feel like they couldn’t be any more wrong. Either way, before rushing to any conclusions, the best thing you can do is take a step back to objectively look at their concerns.
Take the time to look at your situation from a different perspective. Doing this type of exercise will be key regardless who the person(s) is that is trying to derail the path to accomplishing your goals. Ask yourself questions about your family members motives and I guarantee that it will their worries will make some kind of sense. For example:
Does your mom really hate that you fight? Or is she just a caring mom who doesn’t want to see her son/daughter get hurt or be violent?
Does your brother really think you’re stupid for believing you can win a championship? Or is he just envious of your hard work and dedication to your goals?
Do your grandparents think your naive about your decision to make Muay Thai a part of your everyday life? Or are they just conservative thinkers who are not used to the idea of partaking in a martial art as a way to better oneself?
Try your best to see the point of view from the family member who is unsupportive by asking questions to why they are being unsupportive. There is always a reason to the madness and although it may be tough to figure out at first, if you are persistent and really able to put yourself in their shoes it will make a whole lot more sense to you.
Most of the time their reasons for disliking the path your taking is out of love. They just want what’s best for you and feel it’s their duty to share their opinion – whether you ask for it or not. It’s up to you whether or not you take their opinions to heart. Most importantly, it’s up to you to decide what you want to do with your life, not anyone else’s.
How To Handle Slacker Friends
Whether you want to believe it or not, the friends you hang out with play a major role in the direction of your life. Not to exaggerate, but think about it this way;
If you hang out with a bunch of crackheads, don’t you think the chances are higher that you will succumb to the peer pressure of smoking crack? Even if your friends are just heavy drinkers who like to party on weeknights, don’t you think that will somewhat affect your progress to more healthy activities and meaningful goals?
On the other side of the coin, if you hang out with a friends who are good students, don’t you think that will influence you to study more so you can keep up with them in class? Or maybe your friends all train Muay Thai on a regular basis, don’t you think that will make you want to hit the gym more frequently and commit to it?
Stepping away from friendships that distract and demotivate you from reaching your goals is something you need to do. It can be hard when they’ve been your friends since kindergarten and you’ve had some great memories growing up with them… but if their priorities consist of things like drinking, partying, smoking, watching TV, playing video games or chasing tail, do you think they are going to help you reach your dreams?
Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with drinking, partying etc. What is wrong is that it is their priority and it’s what they focus on on a day-to-day basis. It’s not just a once in a blue moon type of activity or an occasional celebration, it’s an everyday thing that leads reckless, mindless pursuits.
If your goal is to become a professional fighter or lose weight, do you think having priorities consisting of things like drinking beer, eating pizza, and playing videos games will help you accomplish those goals? Maybe if you live in a parallel universe that would help, but in the world you live in today, you need to focus on the things that will get you one step closer to your goals.
Cutting off certain friendships like this might be hard to do – trust me, I know this – but you have to realize that you deserve friends who are there to support and motivate you, not distract and demoralize you. If it’s really that hard to stop a friendship, do yourself a favor and really contemplate why they are your friends in first place. Think about why you hang out with them and how they influence your life either positively or negatively. Take a step back and look at the situation as objectively as you can and ask yourself questions like these:
Are my friends positive influences who are helping me better myself? Or do I let them subconsciously drag me down by taking part in mindless and meaningless activities?
Are my friends motivated to do things with their lives? Or are they content with the sedentary lifestyle? Does their mentality on life and daily habits have a positive or negative influence on me?
Do I see myself being able to achieve my goals if I continue hanging out with my friends? Or will they distract me from them?
Sorry to say, but friends come and go. If you truly want to do something meaningful in your life and you feel like the friends in your circle right now are not benefiting you in any way or bringing you down, it’s up to you to do something about it. You’ve got one life to live, is it really worth spending it with people who don’t care to make something meaningful out of it like yourself?
Haters Gonna Hate
I get my fair share of haters and although they can really piss me off sometimes, I try my best to turn their criticisms around into a positive thing. Either I’ll take their critiques into consideration and become better because of it, or I’ll use their hate towards me as motivation to prove them wrong in future events.
Either way, haters are gonna hate and they will be there trying to drag you down no matter what, so learning how to turn their hate into love will be essential to becoming the best version of yourself possible.
Anyway, what do you think about haters?
Do you have trouble dealing with them or have you come up with creative ways to use their hate positively?
Share your thoughts in the comments below because I’m always trying to find ways to deal with negative people!
- Sean "Muay Thai Guy" Fagan owns & operates the largest online Muay Thai community and the #1 training resource for nak muay of all levels.